What You Can Do to Support a Co-Worker Who is Being Abused

Some AFSCME members may be approached by a friend or co-worker who is a victim of domestic violence and wants someone to talk to. The following list of "do's" and "don'ts" may be helpful.

• Believe her. 
  
  
• Encourage, but don't pressure her to talk about the abuse. 
  
  
• Respect her need for confidentiality. 
  
  
• Listen to her. Support her feelings without judging her. 
  
  
• Let her know that she is not alone. Domestic assault happens to many women. 
  
  
• Reassure her that the abuse is not her fault. She is not to blame. 
  
  
• Give her clear messages that: she can't change her partner's behavior; apologies and promises will not end the violence; violence is never justifiable. 
  
  
• Her physical safety is the first priority. Discuss her options and help her make plans for her and her children's safety. 
  
  
• Give her the time she needs to make her own decisions. 
  
  
• If she is not ready to make major changes in her life, do not take away your support. 
  
  
• Give her a list of key community resources that support and work with assaulted women. 
  
  
• Battered women need our support and encouragement. Some forms of advice can be harmful or dangerous. 
  
  
  • Don't tell her what to do, when to leave, or not to leave. 
    
    
  • Don't tell her to go back and try a little harder. 
    
    
  • Don't rescue her by trying to make her decisions for her. 
    
    
  • Don't offer to try to talk to her partner to straighten things out. 
    
    
  • Don't tell her she should stay because of the children.